What Lies Ahead...

Live To Tell - Madonna

I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall

Chorus: A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me

I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me

(chorus)
2nd Chorus: The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again

If I ran away, I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know


I had a dream last night...one that got me thinking how frighteningly complex things are in my life without me even realising it. While the world is spinning, oblivious to mankind, so rarely do I have time to ponder over myself and my feelings except when I am lying in bed at night. Even so, I'm always so deprived of sleep that all I could spare is usually only a minute of 'awake' time to gather whatever thoughts I have before I fall into a deep slumber. Not that I'm insomniac or a nocturne...I'm just feeling beat-up from working till the late nights, I practically come home every night with 'panda-eyes' (more often than not, I would just like to believe my mascara had ran). Much to my chagrin, least to my liking, I have already been labelled a 'workaholic' by my friends and family...certainly not the title I want to carry around with me.

Recently, I have this question at the back of my head - (sorry boss, I know it's year-end and all, but it's not about our 2009 Budget) but rather 'Have you ever wanted something so bad that you end up not wanting it?' The logic is pretty straightforward, you become so afraid it's not the fairy-tale ending you want so you stay away to avoid having to face the most feared 4-letter word, 'H-U-R-T'. It's like you craving for that last piece of chocolate cake meant for your girlfriend/ boyfriend and yet, faced with the possibility of a huge blow-out should you act selfishly, you instead choose to distract yourself with other things, like getting your own Tiramisu slice from Secret Recipe or telling yourself how fattening and calorie-packed that cake is! YES, 'sour grapes' in a way but i guess that's my way of trying to elude having to one day drown myself in my sorrows (yet again), quietly chanting the 2 saddest words in this world...'If only...' I know far too well how 'hurt' feels like. But I wonder does this in any way make me a weakling merely afraid to live up to my fears? I certainly hope not.

On the other hand, if you know me well enough, truth is this is ME we're talking about...and I am not one to bore people with my morbid tales and sob stories no more! All I have is now. Living in the now means we enjoy whatever we are doing for its own sake, and not just for the end result. Point taken, my friend who constantly labels me as 'sanguine personality'! I think it's a cute name anyway...sanguine. Besides, I do not want my tombstone to be engraved with 'Here Lies Someone Who Was Going To Be Happy Tomorrow'. So, who cares if I ate my boyfriend's chocolate cake...if he kills me because of this, at least I die with a full stomach! However, having said this, I AM still tip-toeing on thin ice. Whether or not I make it to firm ground, I'm leaving it entirely to fate and faith (",)

I treasure so much the wonderful friends I love in my life that I sometimes surprise myself by the lengths I'm willing to go for them and not even for my own family. Things that I share, news about what I care. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be everyone's 'bestest buddy' and to be there for them in need. Special friends are close to my heart and what better way to sugar-coat our friendship than with a J Co donut! And in case you did not know, the universe is fair and just. We get back from life only what we put into it. Hence, the donuts. I do wonder though if there should be a certain limit to how well you can treat a friend before he/ she gets the impression that they have become something more than 'just friends'? And I'm not talking gay here, of course. I'm just saying I'm an easily smitten kitten so if someone throws me one donut, I might just throw back two. Which brings me back to my dream last night. Oh watdaheck, I'm still just a cool sanguine penguin waiting for my prince KiMi to sweep me off my little penguin feet from the freezing cold into the warmth of his embrace. He gives me a good belly laugh all the time and is full of little surprises. He's so much joy and fun to be with coz we can talk about almost everything and anything. Life is not THAT serious, guys. Let's take humour more seriously.

Soon, it's going to be a moving out phase in my life. No idea what the future holds for me there, but my Daddy always tells me 'Don't worry, girl...everything will fall into place'.
You know that song 'Que sera sera...what will be, will be'? If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. Even if you're hiding on the edge of the earth, you can't run away from fate. Makes the unknown all the more exciting, doesn't it?

'Whatever you can do, or dream you can...begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it' - Goethe

I pray happiness lies in my future for me to one day settle down and start a family of my own.
We so deserve to be happy, don't we?